In Praise of Particularity: A Manifesto

Here are the slogans I want on my T-shirts and coffee mugs–and in every public school in the country:

• Invite Kindergartners to Play
• Joke-Lopedia Reveals Skill Mastery
• Amelia Bedelia is a critical Rite of Passage
• Exempt 4th Graders from the Global Economy
• Protect 5th Graders from Homework
• Listen to 7th graders
• Tell Bill Gates to Fix Windows and Leave Schools Alone
• Give Kids a Chance: Guaranteed Adequate Income for All

A New York Times review of “Race to Nowhere,” a film that painfully and accurately portrays the heartbreaking stress schools place on children, emphasized the pressure felt by suburban students preparing their resumes for the Ivy League. I thought of a Vermont high schooler with an Individualized Education Plan (IEP) who wrote six pages of expletives on his federally-required test.

You f_ _ _ ing a_ _holes. I have been taking these f_ _ _ing tests since first grade and I am f_ _ _ing sick of it. I know I can’t spell. You know I can’t spell. I have more important things to do than this bulls_ _ _ test. . . . This is a f_ _ _ing waste of time. You could spend this time teaching me something.

Suspended for inappropriate behavior, this youth missed out on the lumberjack test he’d planned to take the next day. The state of Vermont owes him an apology for going along with federal mandates insisting that one size fits all.

The pressure will get worse. The US Department of Education bribed states to accept Common Core Standards and dished out over $300 million for tests to accompany these standards.

I wrote to The New York Times, explaining that we don’t need Wordsworth and Moby Dick for all. We need artists, bakers, lumberjacks, manicurists, welders, and yurt builders, as well as people who study math and science in college. Let’s respect the variety of skills needed in our communities”and make sure everyone receives a decent wage. Talking about “Race to Nowhere” is a good place to start.

New York Times Editorial Process: The Expletive Problem

1:35 p.m. New York Times to Susan: Unfortunately, I can’t use your anecdote about the Vermont kid, so I’ve tried to rework the piece to make your point.

Edit: And although reviews of the film have emphasized the pressure felt by suburban students preparing their resumes for the Ivy League, they aren’t the only ones affected by this obsession with standardized testing. What about the high school student who doesn’t want to go to college, who would like to be a lumberjack? Or what about the kid who would rather be taking his truck driver’s exam than being forced to sit through another standardized test — the ones he’s been taking year after year since first grade? OR SOME SUCH

2:33 p.m. Susan to NY Times: I “fixed” the expletive problem. I guess I can understand that a family newspaper has certain issues, though I know that the student’s words pull at heartstrings. I read them at my Bank Street College Biber Lecture this fall (They bill it as the annual lecture that sets the tone for the year).

Edit: And although reviews of the film have emphasized the pressure felt by suburban students preparing their resumes for the Ivy League, they aren’t the only ones affected by this obsession with standardized testing. What about the Vermont high school student who filled his test booklet with six pages of rage at the one-size-fits all test required by the federal government? When he was suspended for “inappropriate behavior,” he missed the lumberjack test he wanted to take. I get hundreds of similar stories at my website from desperate parents and grandparents.

3:49 NY Times Edit: What about the case of the Vermont high school student who filled his test booklet with six pages of rage at the one-size-fits all test required by the federal government? When he was suspended for “inappropriate behavior,” he missed the lumberjack test he wanted to take. The state of Vermont owes him an apology for going along with federal mandates that are a disservice to our children.

The Thomas Friedman Problem

Original Text: Parents and teachers must fight for childhood. Say “No!” to Barack Obama, to Thomas Friedman, to Ben Bernanke, to Oprah, and to everybody else who mouths nonsense about educating workers for the global economy, trying to put the blame for our economic woes on the backs of schoolchildren.

1:35 New York Times Edit: Parents and teachers must fight for childhood. Say “No!” to everybody who mouths this nonsense about educating workers for the global economy, trying to put the blame for our economic woes on the backs of schoolchildren.

2:33 p.m. Susan to NY Times: Why has this paragraph been stripped of content? Saying “everybody” doesn’t hold anyone responsible. Is one not allowed to criticize the influential people who mouth the global economy nonsense? I want the original paragraph back.

3:49 NY Times to Susan: Regarding your penultimate paragraph, our feeling is that it seems odd to blame such a large audience — celebrities, etc. — when the fault lies with the policymakers and education experts, so hopefully you’re okay with that tweak, which goes back to most of your original wording.

NY Times Edit: Parents and teachers must fight for childhood. Say “No!” to political leaders and education policy experts who mouth this nonsense about educating workers for the global economy, trying to put the blame for our economic woes on the backs of schoolchildren.

7:17 p.m.: Susan to NY Times: I wrote a book called Why Is Corporate America Bashing Our Public Schools?, detailing why the fault most definitely does NOT lie with education experts. The current education policy was planned by the Business Roundtable with help from politicos like Gov. Bill Clinton and IBM chief Lou Gerstner. Obama has come late to the party, but he’s there. Thomas Friedman, for one, frequently orates about our economy depending on schoolchildren taking college prep curriculum. And his words are quoted by CEOs and politicos. I’m willing to take out Oprah, though every teacher would know why her name is there.

Conclusion

That was the end over the exchange. I did not hear from anyone at the New York Times again, and of course my words about standardized testing did not appear. A note on the editorial “we” (our feeling is…) Writing on language in the New York Times Magazine (Oct. 3, 2010), Ben Zimmer says it is unlikely that Mark Twain ever made this remark often attributed to him: “Only kings, presidents, editors, and people with tapeworms have the right to use the editorial ‘we.'” Nevertheless, the editorial “we” is a tapeworm.

I know that not one reader in 10,000 will understand the Friedman sentence. And of those who do understand it, not one in 100,000 will think I was right to destroy my chances of getting some of my words into the New York Times by insisting on it. After all, doesn’t getting our words into the New York Times validate us as genuinely important? The problem is that I happen to believe that op eds should increase public understanding of a fundamental issue, not just preach to the orthodoxy of those who already agree about some collateral damage. I wanted people to puzzle over why Friedman’s name is there. I hoped a few might even ask some questions.

Most will think the New York Times won. Maybe so. But I think their victory would have been bigger had I gone along with their imperative to remove that sentence.

Come read with me and be my Drone

Come read with me and be my Drone
And we will make all their Standards our own
So corporate demands rule our field,
Beating up students ’til they yield.

They say when we teach with methods right,
Kids’ Global Economy skills will ignite.
So forsake shallow rivers, at whose falls
Melodious birds sing their their madrigals.

Now they will give the corporate rubrics
And a thousand checkmarks therapeutic.
The warning of Needs Improvement
Squashes well any labor movement.

A plan must follow the Bill Gates dollar
Which you’ll wear as pretty dog collar,
Forswear student Self-Selected Reading
And follow the rules of Coleman inbreeding.

A plan to follow every day
In the Corporate-Politico squeeze play.
Here are these plans to make your own,
Come read with me and be my Drone.

My eternal fixes are thy meat–
As precious as the gods do eat,
Shall on an ivory table be
Prepared each day for thee and me.

The corporate swains shall dance and sing
For thy delight each school morning:
If these delights in thy mind have shone,
Then read with me and be my Clone.

(with apologies to Christopher Marlowe)